India
1. How do you define “mothering” in your own life—and has that definition changed over time?
I thought mothering was a series of steps taken to care for another. But I’ve learned that mothering is a constant need to care for yourself. Mothering is a reflection of who you are and how you show up for your own needs that translates into messages, moments, and movements that impact a child’s life. I’ve learned to focus on meeting my own needs so that I can be regulated, clear, and fueled to pour into the deep well of mothering.
2. What has mothering revealed to you about who you are, beyond the roles you play?
You think you know who you are, and then you start to see yourself manifested in a little person. As much as my child is her own person, she is also a reflection of me and the work I have done to continue to be a better version of myself. She’s assertive, strong-willed, confident, energetic, kindhearted, verbose, and very intuitive. Watching her begin to absorb the energy in a room or read someone’s energy blew me away. Looking at her, I see myself. I see what empowerment looks like, and I also remember the results of all of these shared traits when out of balance. I used to say that writing was the way I kept my inside self alive, and now I know that mothering is a part of that same healing.
3. What parts of your journey feel unseen, misunderstood, or unspoken—and deserve to be named out loud?
There is a lot of invisible labor in parenting, especially as a working mom. I am grateful to have a partner that carries the load with me. I often find myself in constant planning and reflection mode between work and home—this on top of managing anxieties about the ever-changing world and its challenges. It can be a lot. I have to tend to my spirit enough to remain grounded, motivated, and hopeful. I’ve also experienced a lot of mourning in the adjustments that exist between what parenting really looks like and what I thought it would look like. It’s not a bad thing, because so much of this journey is beautiful, but there is also some reckoning regarding limited maternal support in workplace culture, less community care when living away from your hometown, and access to affordable resources and holistic wellness support.
4. How has your experience of mothering been shaped by your lineage, your culture, or the community around you?
I had a committed and hard-working single mother that leaned on family and community resources to help sustain the journey. I learned a lot about survival and responsibility, and it’s influenced my journey tremendously. I know how to work hard and provide, but I’ve had to unlearn some things as well. I’ve adapted more of an abundance mindset and continually try to experience leisure and rest. My mother wasn’t afforded many luxuries, and as children, we didn’t always get to experience the extracurriculars and enrichment that I feel grateful to be able to provide to my child. A friend reminded me that Erykah Badu always speaks about her children being an improvement on her design, and that’s what I see in my lineage. I’m able to continue to grow upon the work and love of my ancestors, share all that they have provided, and build on it with the access I have now.
5. What was your postpartum experience like—emotionally, physically, and spiritually? What kind of support (or lack of it) did you receive during that time?
I gave birth on March 5, 2020. I had a loving doula there to support me during the birth and directly after, but when COVID-19 required social distancing and community lockdown, access to support was much more limited. I was hospitalized for an infection and spent almost two weeks isolated from my family in a hospital where so many people were dying of coronavirus. After already having a challenging birth and being separated from my family while physically unwell, I carried a lot of emotional baggage. When I returned home, I had to adapt to a parenting journey that included less physical support than expected. But we made it work. People sent us gift cards for Uber Eats, we got help ordering groceries, friends came to the porch to have social-distance visits, and we stayed connected on social media and FaceTime. I spent all of the time I could outside getting grounded, meditating, journaling, doing yoga, and speaking with a therapist. In the end, I did feel cared for, but I also carried extra weight.
6. If you could design the ideal postpartum care system, what would it look and feel like?
I think care looks like helping make sure both mommy and baby have what they need. It depends on what’s needed and what a person values, so it can look a variety of ways and should include a focus on healthcare, emotional wellness, and meeting physical needs. This can include providing meals, cleaning the house, doing laundry, prepping bottles, organizing materials, and caring for siblings. It can look like caring for the child while a mother bathes or goes to a doctor’s appointment. It can even look like listening and holding space for a mother to be held or simply included and seen. Sometimes, people make a lot of assumptions about what care is needed or not needed without asking or trying various ways to support. Mothers need space and the ability to have less on their plates, so any relief that can be provided is valuable.
7. Can you share a moment of deep joy in your mothering journey—one that lives in your body?
I have so many joyful moments that I can recall, but lately, we’ve been doing a lot of water exploration. My Pisces daughter is such a little fish, and she loves to swim and be in the ocean. We go to the community pool, have swim classes, and visit the beach in the summer. Just seeing my little one relax and let go in the water, as I do so myself, is such a deep feeling in my body. It symbolizes a womb, a home, a place to cleanse and restore. And I’m grateful our spirits can align in such a space.
8. What grief, loss, or transformation has shaped the way you show up as a mother?
I went into labor on my deceased grandmother’s birthday. Though my child was born two days later, I truly feel my grandmother’s presence in my mothering journey. I speak with her in my kitchen; I think of her when I sleep. Her legacy reminds me of my resilience, my intuition, and my destiny. And I feel encouraged thinking of her, knowing that I am a manifestation of her dreams and that our family is lifted up by our existence. My mother deeply mourns her mother. I can feel a difference in her spirit now that her mom is gone, and so that absence is felt in unspoken ways. Sometimes, I feel an assignment from my grandmother to be her fourth daughter. And so, while I’m mothering my child, and mothering myself, sometimes I can feel myself mothering my mother and being a sister to my aunts. It’s something beautiful, and it can be hard. It’s taken a while to adjust to this new reality and role.
9. How do you access healing—emotionally, spiritually, or ancestrally?
My practices have evolved over time. The best way that I get connected to source is through meditation and yoga. On the mat, I feel the most rooted and clear. And that also translates into more conscious prayer and written reflection. It’s a journey of getting quiet and still enough to hear and just know. Plus, being where the elements are fuels me. Feet on grass, hands in soil, and at any intersection of sand and ocean under the sun is where my soul finds peace and connects to source.
10. Are there any rituals, practices, or traditions that keep you grounded?
Yoga, gardening, journaling, dancing, and doing my daughter’s hair all uplift me. A good homegirl moment with levity and laughs lifts my spirit as well.
11. What does community care mean to you—and how do you invite others into your mothering journey to help bridge gaps of support, understanding, or visibility?
Mothering is done best with a village. I stay connected to my community by sharing moments and asking questions. I believe in reflecting as a mother and learning. I’m into playdates, mom friends, parenting podcasts, and books that can help me show up with more thoughtfulness. And as a parent of an only child, having a trusted community to kid swap with is essential. It takes trust and time to get there, but I really value the connections I’ve made along the way.
12. To mother within systems that weren’t made for you is an act of resistance. How do you navigate, push against, or reimagine those systems in your everyday world?
The biggest thing that I do is stay rooted in my values. I know who I am and what I want to reinforce, and so I focus on being a nurturing, honest, and fair parent. I give my child space to explore her own body and mind while also helping her to understand age-appropriate nuances that exist in society—from talking through the fact that all police don’t intend to protect and serve, to explaining that some places are not diverse by design. It can be hard to find a way to help my young child understand, but she’s experienced a unique world from the beginning. She has two moms, queer and trans aunts and uncles, friends from various cultural backgrounds, and connects with people across various economic backgrounds in her family and in her community. It’s not hard for a child to internalize the world around them, and she’s doing that with the best guidance we can provide.
13. What do you want the world to understand about mothers like you?
Mothering is not unique to me—it’s been done before and will continue to move forward. As a mother, I’m intentional, creative, forgiving of my errors, and ever-learning. I’m reflective, active, and always seeking to be grounded so that I can parent from a place of clarity and confidence. I need love, joy, rest, and community to help me sustain the energy to mother my best.
14. What do you hope your child—or future generations—inherit from your story?
I want my daughter to continue to find and use her voice; I want her to have the ability to say no and experience leisure; I want her to be confident and to have healthy coping mechanisms to adapt and thrive in her adult life. I hope she learns to appreciate the culturally diverse world around her and always remembers that she can manifest a life of abundance and grace.
